Rules! Are there general rules that apply to Relationships? Sure there are, but this is not the bedrock of a good relationship.
The reason a lot of relationships fail is also that you adhere to these general rules, forgetting the more important ones.
What are the more important ones?
Well, The truth is, As a lady, it is good to look good, for yourself and your intended spouse. but if you have not learned to look good for yourself, the effort you put in for your intended will fade with time.
So this is a hint into the bedrock of a relationship. There are very few leading questions that will guide you there.
1) Who am I?
2) How am I different from everyone else?
3) What are my values?
4) What are my goals
This may look like things you ask yourself when you intend to build a purpose for yourself, but a relationship is also a purpose. That is how you will know not to settle for a man or a lady because he's handsome or she's beautiful, and everyone thinks he/she is godly.
Not everyone is for you, Not everyone even has the Potential to be in a relationship with you.
The aspect where people have failed most in a relationship is in getting to know themselves.
If I don't know myself, then that is tantamount to standing for nothing and falling for everything or everyone in this case.
The moment one of you in that relationship begins to develop and get a sense of self-direction and self-knowledge, that relationship begins to die, because they begin to realize you are not what they want for themselves.
They have wasted years, trying to fit into the status quo. I learned at an early age, that I was different from 96% of my peers, and I accepted myself the way I was. I of course had my moments when I tried to fit it, but thankfully those phases don't last.
One of the greatest excuses of all time, and also a great barrier in one's life is revealed in this common statement. "That is how I am."
Is It? Do you even know you?
Being generally friendly is not enough of a personality. Being the mum in the church, or the welfare coordinator, or because you give freely doesn't mean you are ready for a relationship.
Activities that you are good at, or that take your time don't reveal who you are. Instead, they consume your time, so that you don't take the time to know who you are.
Beyond the activities, beyond the skills and talents, beyond the bubbly personality or the shy personality, who are you?
That part of you is what found the bedrock of a stable relationship.
Try to introduce yourself minus the name.
I am MaryA, I am an introvert, I love reading..... those are for situations when you introduce yourself in a public gathering. Basic information. The power behind getting to know you personally is what decides if you and a person will be friends or foes.
It's not about your cooking skill, or how much money you have in your pocket, it's not about how soft-spoken you are, or how good you are exactly at decision-making.
Those things are also essential.
But the foundation of a relationship lies in the core of who you are, and unless you find out, you might end up being with the wrong partner.
Love,
MaryA.
'' Can two walk together, except they be agreed?'' Amos 3:3
ReplyDeleteYes, of course! The foundation of relationship lies in the core of who one is and getting to know each other. Who am I? It is natural for someone who is not born again to answer this question base on his/her philosophy of life. But for a precious child of God; A new man/woman purchased and created in Jesus unto good works.
Marriage is not the greatest institution among the three institution in the Bible (Marriage, Church and Government). The greatest institution is Church which was purchased by Jesus' blood. The Bible says, wherever 2 or 3 gather in his name, He is there in their midst. The original relationship in the Garden of Eden was Church because of Jesus'(God) presence.
In a godly relationship/marriage, two individuals are involved. It was by divine providence Adam got Eve, and it was by divine providence Joseph got Marry. God was at the center of Adam and Eve relationship; guiding and instructing them. That made a church because Jesus who is God was present. Their relationship was God's center. Adam was pleasing God first before pleasing his wife and before pleasing himself(order of pleasing) and Eve was pleasing God first before pleasing Adam and before pleasing herself. But the order changed when Eve decided to please her self first(trying to look good) yielding to the advise of her new friend serpent and going in the way of the world(Gen 3:5&6). We know the aftermath.
Yes, it is good to look good(neat and tidy) for oneself and for one's spouse. But the question is: Is God pleased? Is God glorified in our looking good or Satan or self glorified? Is our looking good not creating lusts and impure thought in others? Is our looking good not crossing the boundary of reserve? As Christians and in addition to our looking good, we should bear in mind that beauty and handsomeness will fade one day. There is one beauty which will never fade that one's spouse will always cherish. It is the ornament of meek and quiet spirit (1st Peter 3:3-4)
Christ(yes, in the womb) was at the center of Joseph and Mary relationship. It was never a mistake Joseph entered relationship with Mary but through divine providence. They know whom they were. They were both righteous. They were both different from anyone else(Wanting to please God always). They knew their values(Service to God and humanity in love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance). And they know their goal which is seeking God's kingdom and His righteousness.
Adam would have saved himself and his wife had it been he was always reminding Eve the way of God. He would have saved the duo had it been he stood his ground concerning the only commanding word of God.
In relationship, God must be first, not self, and not one's spouse. When God is first everything will work well even during the time of discouragement(Mat 1:19-20) God will be there to assure the spouse. Relationship is the time when intending couples seek to please the Lord, devout time to pray against forces of evil and the time to know each other well.
It is well in Jesus' Name.Amen
MORE GRACE UPON THE PRECIOUS DAUGHTER OF GOD
A wonder writeup!
ReplyDeleteMore of His Grace upon your life in Jesus' Name