TO BE BLAMED OR NOT!🤷‍♀️

Mrs. Wilson took a deep breath as she browsed through the family album. Nothing has been the same since her first daughter passed away. Her son was slowly cutting himself off from the family. He had even altogether stopped contacting Bella and only picked his mother's call only on rare occasions. Her husband had thrown himself into work and when his shift ended at work, he volunteers in any activities that needed volunteers. He mostly came home around midnight and is out of the house early the next day. Bella, she doesn't even understand anymore. She has become a shell of what she was before. It even worsened after the last phone conversation she had with her brother Tyler. She became more distant and barely communicated to anyone not even Summer the little girl that Mrs. Wilson had hoped would be the source to bring Bella back to herself. Summer still comes over even though Bella never shows herself to say hi or talk to the child. Bella's mom would play with the child alone and after some time when it was time for the child to leave. She gives Mrs. Wilson a peck on the cheek and shouts "Bella I'm leaving now. I love you" never receiving a response from her friend.

Bella lay on her bed staring at the ceiling. It's pretty much all she has been doing since that last phone conversation she had with her brother. That conversation had brought everything she had been trying to suppress back. Her brother had called her three nights ago drunk and spilled out everything he seemed to have been holding back full-on blaming her for their sister's death. Her brother had ended the conversation with " it should have been you. It should have been you Bella. You should be dead not Rose" then he had hung up.

Bella had felt like she was reliving that moment. Part of her was very hurt by what her brother said and the other part of her couldn't ignore the truth in what her brother had said. No matter how hard she tried the guilt never leaves her. It has always been in her head that Rose deserves to be here not her. 

            All everyone knew was that they were hit by an oncoming vehicle driven by a drunk person and no matter how hard Bella kept it that way, she kept thinking of the possibility that maybe if she hadn't distracted her sister from driving because she wanted to show her a funny video she had seen online while they were conversing with Tyler on Rose's phone then just maybe Rose would have swerved the car in time to save all of them, not just her. Tyler hadn't called back since then and Bella couldn't tell if it was because he felt bad because of what he said or if he didn't remember what he said since he was drunk or if he just decided to cut off since he had made how he felt about her clear.

Bella stood up and opened the door of her room crossing to the other room beside hers. 

She stood in front of the door for a while before slowly opening the door and entering it. The room looks just the same as Rose left it. Her parent had opted to donate some of Rose's things to charity but Bella had refused strongly to let them. She didn't know why she insisted on keeping all her sisters property the same she just knew they had to be left alone. Before Bella could fully step into the room she backed up and turned around opening the door leaving the room. Feeling sick, Bella turned once again and went into her room, she sunk to the floor tears falling from her eyes. She didn't feel worthy to enter Rose's room. She is the one responsible for her death, for her brother's best friend's death, for her parent beloved daughter's death, for everyone's role model's death. 

                 Bella cried asking why Rose had to be the one to die and not her. Bella cried because she couldn't understand why her sister who had a bright future and goals she would have achieved successfully had to die and she, who can barely mean to live anymore is alive. Life has been nothing but empty and meaningless to Bella after her sister's death and even though Bella knew she didn't do anything wrong while her sister was alive, she couldn't help thinking if it was some punishment of some kind for her? Bella just didn't know anymore.

With Love,

Grazie.

MaryA's Note - Grief can turn you into a stranger to yourself. If you have not experienced grief, you have no right to jidge bella. And I you have, you still habe no right to judge her. People react to grief differently.

BELLA obviously doesn't have a relationship with her parents. It is wrong to put ministry before your family, since the first assignment God gave you is your family. If God Neglected you in favor of the Church, how wouod you feel?

I personally wish I could lend bella some strength. What do you feel?