KILL MYSELF OR NOT?🤕

"This is someone's story.... It may not be a literal interpretation for some, but maybe you can relate, please reach out to me."

Have you ever dipped a long stick into a large bowl filled with water and swirled? Do you notice the way the water swirls and swirls and the mid point dips inward almost as if a hole is opening up to swallow up or drain the water?

That is how I feel emotionally. Life is always swirling my emotional bank and with each swirl, a deep cut marks it's birth on my arms. lately it's looking like a tally. My trophies of conquest. I know one day, I'm going to cut so deep and end the pain. I'm going to drain the bank through my vein, and then I'm going to sleep and be at peace.

But I hate the dark, and I lay on my bed each night, shivering in the dark, eyes wide awake because of the voices in my head. I hear them all, the defeat that shrouds my being, the regret that pumps in my veins. The rejection that made me the outcast, and the brokenness that makes me debris.

But then the birds begin to sing, and it's the only time I smile, Because morning is around the corner.

That is when I realize. Warriors have battle scars, mine just happened to be my cuts. So maybe yesterday, I was a cutter, but not today. A warrior fights, and I'd just looked another day in the face and given my battle cry. 

"Not you" I say, "You won't bring me down."

MaryA's Note :  Depression doesn't go away by motivational speeches. Life continues to happen to you, and someday you might figure out you are tired. Here, let me help you. Reach out to me. It's a confidential zone. 

Go to my IG page @The_weeping_ink , and send me a direct message there.

God bless you.